Inane and Insane

OodEebOod ."."

2009-01-03T06:19:08Z

B
L
A
S
T

O
F
For your reading pleasure, and for my interest in devouring the hands that only moves in circles, I have decided to create an

E
P
I
C blog entry, because we can't go out without a BANG, for we're too young to breathe, and too old to know any better. Just try REALLY hard not to get things backwards:

Remember, KILLING people is EASY. It's STAYING ALIVE that's HARD. It's difficult to get straight, I know, I get the two confused a lot myself.

Anyway, when I was little, I would play with my brother, my neighbor (whom, for the sake of Google - everybody's big brother - I shall say is named Jennifer. But only because that really is her name) (who is one year older than I), and her siblings (twins - boy and girl (Mike and Allison) - who were the same grade as my brother)

Playing make believe is a vital part of every child's life. It ensures that dreams will come true. Anyway, we used to play 'The Boxcar Children'. I don't know if any of you dear, dear, elk readers have read these wonderful books, but if you haven't here's the synopsis: Four kids. Parents die. Think their grandpa is weird and mean without actually meeting him. Run away to avoid living with him. Live in abandoned boxcar in woods. Get found by grandpa. Turns out he's actually a really good and rich guy. Everybody lives happily ever after.

That's just book 1. There are about 100 books, and in each subsequent book, they love their grandpa, and they go on all these exciting adventures with/without him and solve mysteries. Cute stuff, really.

ANYWAY I HAVE A POINT AND I'M GETTING THERE NOW. There are actually five kids involved...a cousin Mike shows up soon. Now, there's gonna be some math here, so bear with me. There are five 'boxcar' children, and my house and my neighbors house consisted of 'five' children. Five = FIVE.

And so there we are: THE REINCARNATION OF THE BOXCAR CHILDREN! Now, the boxcar children consist of the following people:

Henry - 16 - the 'leader', smartest, eldest, independent, smart, caring, etc. etc. yak
Jessie - 15 - the second in command, she's also nice, and friendly and smart and watches over the kids the most I guess, also a leader-type
Violet - 11ish - very quiet, shy, inquisitive, and...you guessed it...very nice
Benny - 9ish - a kid, looks up to Henry, gets into mischief with Mike, but he's actually...yes...nice.
Mike - 9ish - a troublemaker, and actually not really that nice, but certainly not mean. Tags along with the official boxcar children.

Thus it was very, very clear whom everyone should be. I should be Henry (the eldest), Jen is Jessie, Allison is Violet, Brian is Benny, and Mike is Mike. Duh. Case Closed.

Except, of course, I always wanted to be Violet. (Didn't see THAT one coming...no of course not...you are soooo unpredictable Garret! I know thxsyouberry...BERRY much!) Really though, personality-wise, I was WAY more of a Violet than Allison was.

I can't remember really how that was received...I think it was mostly like, "what? Garret you're dumb, you're obviously Henry" They didn't say that specifically, but I'm pretty sure I had to play Henry most of the time. It was fun, in it's own way...Also, I do remember the books, and Violet receiving a...suspense...VIOLET suitcase to go on her expeditions. The other's got really lame colors (Bright Red, Blue, whateverwhocares)

Basically, what I'm trying to say is, Violet was a hottie.

Also, a favorite activity of mine was playing with Legos. I also played with these dumbass things called Better Blocks. Which were, in some ways, cooler than Legos, because you could stack them like Legos, except if you made a wall or something, they were designed in a way such that the wall was movable...that is, you could bend it.

So Brian and I would play with one or the other. And I don't know *what* the fuck we were make-believing, but I do specifically remember going into my mom's box of scrap fabrics and making myself an outfit, and making myself 'accessories' with Better Blocks.

And by outfit, I mean a dress.
And by accessories, I mean a necklace made of black better blocks that fit snugly around my neck...there's another word for this...oh yes, a collar.
And by pretend, I was a queen. In both senses of the word. Drag and pretending to be.

Pretty pretty princess, anyone?

Now I have tinkerbell in my ear, constantly whispering to me (NO.I.WILL.NOT.KILL.THEM.TINKERBELL.PLEASE.STOP.ASKING.ME.TO)
I have a real drag outfit. I also have three colors of nailpolish, eight earrings, fake eyelashes, eyeliner, lipstick, a necklace, two bracelets, and a very large JT poster, not too mention an attraction to the male gender.

I blame my last name.

But seriously, is there anything to 'blame'?

Does anything even need blaming?

For a long time now, I've come to terms with this "feminine" side of me. Would I 'fit in' better if I were born a girl? Probably. Does that mean I want to be one? Hmm...I dunno. Do I wish I were one? Not really.

After all. We all secretly long to be some part of a car crash. I long to see my arms stripped of their tendons. I love throwing this shit in other people's faces - you all know that way too well, and I deeply apologize. You shouldn't have to put up with my annoying craving to be given attention and to be seen as 'different' and 'weird'. And while I am very certain that these traits of mine are truthfully a part of who I am, and this isn't all just an illusion, there still is no need to shove my proverbial dick (the dick is a metaphor for my poor behavior) down your collective throats. I have too much fun making people uncomfortable.

But anyway, where does the 'blame' for all this fall? How does one get to be such a clusterfuck?

Well, there's the whole spousal/drug abuse scene, which could really be used to wipe myself clean of everything. The whole driven away from the father, becoming attached to the mother, who is abused - thus explaining my attraction to the feminine side, and towards being abused.

Yeah. That's probably it.

But things are happy now. (You can trust me on this one...if they weren't, I'd sure as fuck be letting everybody know about it) And I'm very proud of everyone. Oh boy...get ready for some ridiculousness! :) (In order of appearance, or arbitrary if unknown)

Myself, for being so comfortable about who I am and making it this far through this intimididatingly tiny life I have.
My father, for completely cleaning up his act, and being a responsible, healthy, fun parent. For being a good-hearted person, and using his evil powers of lawyerdom to help those that need it, and even those that don't. For giving me so much music...I might still be listening to the goddamn radio otherwise.
My mother, for rasing me, and putting up with my bullshit. For taking on mangement and leading a union. For going back to school. For fixing everything...everything.
My brother, for being way less apathetic than I. For knowing so goddamn much about technology. For just being someone to be with. For playing guitar in his older brother's shitty garage band. For being the responsible, common-sensical, smart one.
Tom, for inspiring me and giving me new perspectives that I didn't even know existed. For starting 'the band'. For being a 'bro' - or whatever you wish to call it - and making me laugh every time we hung out. Also, for D&D.
Alex, for, of course, being so goddamned motherfucking smart in so many goddamned motherfucking ways. For being someone I can confide in. For being so calm when I was batshit insane, and bringing me back into reality.
Rose, for being such a ray of sunshine and a very good listener and responder to my inane problems. For dealing with three science nerds who constantly pick on you (I have no idea how you still like us after Magic, D&D, and math). For being by far the coolest person I know: coffeehouse, DJ, Argentina, Ireland, very cute, and, dare I say it?...a total babe (no, seriously!)? working on science research, while going into English/"Cognitive Studies" (whatever the fuck that is), and being someone I can girl-talk / go shopping with.

Does anybody else actually read this? I could go on...Caroline, if you read this, I'm very proud of you for surviving what seems like some pretty crazy times in the Burgh. I know we weren't always the greatest of friends, but I'm very very happy that we are good friends now, as you are a lot of fun to talk to.
Bethany, I know you probably think that what I'm doing is pretty gay right now, but I'm gay, so you're gonna have to deal with it. Thanks for all of the amazing conversations we've had, especially recently, but I'm also including our lovely little bitchings to each other - memories I'll cherish forever. For making England and Vince's house a lot more fun. For getting the fuck out of Indiana. For being very talented and smart, while simultaneously being very interesting, fun, cool, dramatic, drunk, clever, attractive, and whatever the antonym of subtle is. And those are all compliments in my book.

I bet other people read this. But I can't think of any more, and it's 1 in the morning. So I'm done now.

Until next boredom.

garret.

genrecidal @ 2008-12-19T19:11:00

2008-12-20T00:12:14Z

Wait, where am I...more importantly, WHO AM I?!?

Hey Hey Ningen Sucker, Ah Ningen Ningen Fucker

2008-12-03T16:47:18Z

WHAT'SUPPEOPLE!?!

The Big Lebowski...most depressing movie ever?

It made me cry for a good 15 minutes.

garret.

Where Am I?

2008-11-12T05:04:52Z

Hi everybody! Please read my post below, as I still strongSTRONGly agree with it.

Anyway, I know we haven't been in contact much, which makes me sadsadsad. But I

would still
like to no...

to no...

to know how everybody is doing! Tell me everything! Your trials, your tribulations, your traumas and your terrific t.ime.s[chk][chk][chk][

So what have I been up to?

Lots!

Academically, things have been going very well. My Honors project is very difficult, but I'm managing to pull through, talking to my prof for about an hour every week. My other classes are pretty easy. I'm applying to six grad schools, even though I'm
CompletelY
And totallY
NOT
at ALL SURE
I want to go.
But I want to do *S*O*M*E*T*H*I*N*G* with myself. I've been thinking about just living...hitchiking, travelling to San Fran, getting a survival job/dumpster-diving/basically tri-angle-ing to live and learn something.

But really, who cares about academics?

As you know, I have a girlfriend Katherine! Who is amazing in every format. She understands my feelings/attitudes/behaviors implicity, and is VERY open about everything. She suits me via the picture above method, she biked across the country last summer, is a circus performer (breathes fire, and has performed as a dominatrix-fire-twirler many classy burlesque shows across the country), knows a lot about religion, is generally a cheerful person, seems to like me, is adorably cute/attractive, and best of all, she's not exclusive! Just the other day she was making out with one of her old graduated friends (a girl)...and we've both talked about and are comfortable with the notion of have sex with others

Basically, my ideal relationship! Happy happy me!

Also, I've been on lots of drugs, and that's been fun too! I took acid last weekend, and it was beautiful out, and everything was lovely (watching Katherine twirl fire at night on acid is...in a word...breathtaking), also we saw a performance piece later in which a group of 20 or so people dressed grotesquely in various capitalism symbolisms/etc. (oil drills, banks, etc.) were groaning, and carrying a large wooden platform, in which a man bearing a cross, and a whip, dressed in a fancy suit, shouted things and whipped the people under him. Then they walked like this halfway across campus, where they were met by a person dressed as a large redwood tree (actually, one person sitting on another's shoulders). They 'fought' sharing capitalist and 'nature-loving' philosophies, until the people under the capitalist started groaning and all began to collasps, causing the platform to capsize, and the man to fall off. Then the tree-man continued his speech, and as he was the underlings were scratching at themselves in torment, and pulling off their costumes and clothing, until they were all naked, and their clothing lie in a pile. Then they started straching at the major capitalist/christian guy, until he was also naked, then they laughed at him, and began tearing at the costume of the tree-man. Then he was naked too. Then they lit fire to all the costumes in the middle, and started dancing around it (there was music the entire time - at this point the music turned into a boogie), and they grabbed everybody from the crowd, and we all danced like crazy and had a lot of fun watching the massive bonfire burn to the ground. It was pretty fucking sweet.

Also, I took ecstacy and saw Lotus awhile ago, as mentioned, that was fun.

Before that I took acid again by myself, and spent most of the trip writing one song, just as an experiment to see what it would sound like.

Of course it sounded terrible, especially since I refuse to edit anything after the trip, so it's very very raw. But there are some things in there that I like...maybe I'll post it so you can chuckle sometime.

I'm reading a lot, too. I just finished reading Master and Margarita, and Venus in Furs. Both of which were pretty good, but M & M got a little tiresome at points. I'm now reading Cryptonomicon, and I have Choke, The Contortionist's Handbook, The PRincess Bride (an Oberlin alum!), Battle Royale, Rules of Attraction, and something else I can't remember.

I have a drag outfit ready, I was going to go to a drag party the other day, but it sadly did not end up working out...but let me say, I look *sexy* in it.

sexy

It's getting colder, but I don't mind.
It's getting colder, but I don't mind.

Halloween was fun, we had such cute children come to our house!

Please believe me when I say ()(99

garret.

genrecidal @ 2008-11-08T21:01:00

2008-11-09T02:02:42Z

I hope you are all having a wonderful day!

garret.

4U

2008-11-02T18:50:19Z

Rose, this reminded me of you...and me, too...but mostly you :)

www.stuffwhitepeoplelike.com

garret.

Next Is The Ecstacy!

2008-10-31T02:28:46Z

And the Lotus!

And the glow sticks!

It's been a great night/great concert/great sex

garret.

Yes I amm Here, But I've Killed Stephane Pompaugnac

2008-10-24T21:35:29Z

It's his fault you know...Taunting me with his ownership of a cat only an hour after I lose mine

I hope she's OK, though I know she's not...

Well that killed things pretty right quickly...I imagine things killed pretty-her right quickly as well...

Anyway, I don't feel like talking much more...here's my seven semi-finalists:

University of Ottawa
University of Waterloo
University of Toronto
Carleton University
University of California, Berkeley
University of Oregon
California Institute of Technology

And the seven that are trying to overthrow:

University of Calgary
University of West Ontario
Brown
University of Washington
University of Illinois - Chicago
Tufts
University of California, Riverside

Any suggestions?

gar.ret. (One for my mood, one for my G[arret]F[lowers])

Je Pense Donc Je Suis, Mais Je Ne Sait Pas Quoi

2008-10-21T19:49:59Z

I Think Therefore I Am, But I Don't Know Why

Everybody! Check out the podcast All Songs Considered...it is fun!

Also, it is fall break!

Also, I played with a Grateful Dead cover band the other day...it was fun!

Also, I don't know about this grad school thing!

Also, I'm finally getting this sheaf thing!

Also, I love life!

garret.

Hide My Face For A Second

2008-10-07T18:32:29Z

Word. Respected.

Things are happening!

So here is the DL.

1) We had our first show last Saturday...it was a lot of fun, even though we suck! We decided to record it...although the balance is terrible, I'll give you two or three songs. By the way, the rapper is totally freestyling, and we've only played with him once before.

The Fucked Jam / Kids With Guns
National Anthem

Yeah, it sucks, but it was fun, and me and the rapper were totally improving the entire time, so I didn't really expect that much.

I'm dating someone, woohoo!

I'm hating the elections! Everybody here is fucking obsessed with Obama, it's enough to make one puke. Yes, I agree he is the better candidate IN MY OPINION. People run around trying to register people, but only if they'll vote for Obama, and if you don't plan on voting for Obama, it's not because you have a different opinion, it's because you're an idiot.

I dunno, this might be a slight exageration, but honestly, what makes your reasons for voting for Obama any better than someone else's reasons for voting for McCain. If someone wants to be a single issue voter, then they have every right to be. They care about that particular issue enough to select a presidential candidate based upon it.

Just let people make their own decisions, I don't need yours rammed down my throat.

GOing to see the Residents in Chicago next week!

Midterms coming!

Life is beautiful in so many ways I can't even begin to describe them all!

garret.

Measure Theory, What I Am

2008-09-29T04:21:31Z

[This is the Panic Office, section nine-seventeen may have been hit. Activate the following procedure.]

Yes I am the title...not of the Subject, or of the above above, but just of the above...the brackets (closed sets?) Bor(el)ing. Let's talk about something else.

I miss all you guys! I've been very busy, of course...three 300 level classes and an honors project is nothing to scoff at.

It's all alright, I suppose. Tango is going lovely...I'm rather fond of dancing, so (RAGE against the dying of the night)

I forwent the first Gospel today...it's a shame really, we went out to dinner today,,,,but we both sort of had the impression that it was a pseudo-goodbye. I say pasuado because we'll probably still call each other on drunken weekends to fuck, but we're not gonna go grab a cup o java (Javanese people?) and cuddle in the park together anymore.

It's all about the chase I guess...the person borels me once I'm safe.

At the same time the (NOT OSCAR, NOT GRAMMY, THE OTHER ONE) is sort of drifting too...although we do still connect...I've just been sucking up at seeing her often, and being interested, and making moves and what not.

But...exciting night, I hooked up with the girl I've had a crush on since freshman year, when I first laid eyes on her. And she enjoyed it, and said the next morning that if I'm not weird about it then she'd love to "jump my bones" again...how tittielating!

Basically, your friend Garret has been ankle deep in romantic encounters, but sadly, none are progressing...which is fine (I suppose)

I'm in a band now too! We suck...REALLY REALLY BAD. Right now it's just me (on keys/computer), a bassist and a drummer. But the point behind the band is to keep in contact with MC's and invite some over each time we practice, and jam with them. We have a show this Saturday, and I'm a little nervous about it, but whatever, after that I think I'm quitting, cause we only do covers and the bassist is kind of annoying about it (we have to play the songs exactly the way the artists do, and he is bad at singing, but doesn't know it). We do a pretty good cover of National Anthem (I have loads of fun with the keys!), also we do a not too terrible except for vocals cover of Yoshimi I and II. Those are really the only songs with any singing though, the rest are just rapping over things like Gorillaz, Beck, Ween, Jurassic 5, Blackalicious, etc.

I have ideas for good songs, but I don't have time to record them! They are sitting safely in my head though.

OK, time for redtube. Bye!

garret.

How CUTE!!!!!!

2008-09-24T05:52:51Z

Jonsi's boyfriend's band is soooooo good!

It's called Parachutes, and you should listen

good good good.

So is Gobbledigook!, That was colorful and amazing

And then, of course, there was #8, which was fucking indescribable as always.

And Haffsol, and Sven, and Svo, and Hey, and Ny, and Glos, and Sae, and #7, and that second track on the newest album that I can't remember.

I'm sure I'm missing a few too

But all in all, an awesome show!

garret.

I Go Down...

2008-09-19T00:39:27Z

One I pass her by
She gives me something new
All I want to do
All I need to do
I go down all the time.

Here I am.

garret.

Right Back At Cha Just Don't Hit Me

2008-09-17T15:56:00Z

OMG I'm doing things that aren't interesting! How cool! (Except that's not me, that's you.)
No, I won't.

Well, I can do it better.

Now, everybody has heard about the Unified Theory of Everything. However, the blogosphere has no such theory. There is no gravity in internet. No electromagnetism. No air in space museums. Instead, we have a new set of axioms. I'm not going to list the axioms, but they result in a Unified Theory of Garrething.

The Theory of Garrething, like the Theory of Everything, is incomplete.

But anyway,
On this blog, I talk about three things: music, sex, math, all on one thing: a computer.

What do sex, math, and computers have in common?

LaTeX gloves.

Goodbye.

garret.

Trip Trip, Cherrio!

2008-09-13T17:09:21Z

A day of frogs. A day of TREK.kings and queens could not find us as we drifted between the sandtraps and water puddles. Creating zen gardens on the private beaches (an elephant with infinity for ears). Creating drop sprinkle light with our toes dipping beneath the surfaces. A trespasser, alone in a lake, watches carefully from a distance, and
LAUGHTERLAUGHTERLAUGHTER
she's gone.

Then comes the shake rattle and roll! Crash crash techno chhhrash boom-chiK! Over and over the din resounds as I shake my head in apologies for the others beneath us that must endure this painful painful. THey'rE gone, left me now, as I repeat the mantra, and listen as the trumpets build and fade, ebb and wane, waxing at the screams of guitars played with hammers (and other carpentry tools). Then the string(s) cascade and snap one by one, and slowly the noizzze dies down, and all I can hear is a Mexican gas attendant telling us not to give money to strangers on the premises.

He asked if I was alright, and I said yes.

It rained beams of light for some, the unwelcome some, but I granted it upon them...sitting from the rooftop, and striking them with pinks and oranges. LAUGHTER. They stop mid stride, double back, and come swarming back at me...they must be confused...as if *I* was the one that disturbed their hive. The house stutters and hiccups with the shadows bouncing of the walls, and before they can consume me, I pour some salt on my wounds and jump in the mouth (to appeal to their palate).

Done with that...no not done, just gather those lights and strap them to circles. Have the girls dance in them...their hips moving, encased in lights. Around and around, up and down, the neck, the arms, then the circles in the air...the lights wildly blending together...but by this time the magic is gone. But the lights remain, and for an instant I'm where I was earlier. One of the lights starts to bleed, and I quickly gather it up, and wipe it's blood across my arms, put on 4Tet and dance in it. Back and 4Th, the blood catching my eyes and gleaming...but it won't come off...the smell boils inside me, and the rest of the daynight is spent trying to forget what I've done to the innocent.

Coloring sno-flakes ended the day.

And that's almost the end of it.

garret.

The W The W Ain't

2008-09-10T15:24:14Z

Nothin to fuck with.

So I saw GZA last night. Let me tell you, it is VERY strange to see some Wu-Tang in Oberlin. 95% of the people are white, but of course, we all threw up the 'W' and smoked some mad reefer. I even shook his hand (no way!) in a brotherly way. It was pretty good, the opening group Genius was more my style, but who isn't a fan of the Wu-Tang?

Not you!

I have some other things to mention, but those can wait.

garret.

Raised Hand (I Have Something To Say)

2008-09-08T20:52:32Z

Subtitled I have no idea

This is the dead zone. The area between the scrotum and the anus. MWF 4-5:30. I finished with the crazy day of classes, but I have work left to do. I want to eat dinner, so I don't want to go to my office to do work for just one hour. Things would be great if I had some method of preserving heated dinner items. I could make dinner now, go to my office, then eat it at dinner time. But no. No such device will suit me, and appliances are strictly forbidden in the offices, so sadly, I am sitting here with naught to do today.

I do need to decorate my office...I think I'm going to go to Ben Franklin's and pick up some random assorted things. I'm thinking multicolored yarn and thumbtacks.

You don't know me so well, do you?

My band now covers Yoshimi Battles (I do the vibe sounds, backing vocals, and the funky bass FX)
Kids with Guns (I do solos, mostly because I can't remember what synth sounds are actually in it)
Some Blackalicious Song (I don't have the album it's on, so once again, I just make shit up)
As well as lots of funk jams with a very good freestyler.

It's fun, but only 2 practices are not enough to sate

The era is Over. Now for the Era of E ANDOR the Era of M...

Well, as we all know, E=MC^2. Thus, if 0 < C^2 < 1, then E < M. But if C^2 > 1, then E > M. It is trivial that C != 0.

So it doesn't matter if the impact is positive or the impact is negative. It only matters if it's fractional or not. The equation actually works rather nicely, methinks. But is C=K? Can I just change a person's identity to suit my whimsical mathematical carnal desires?

Clued in? Good, let's continue.

I'm going to say 'yes', and here is why: C=K but only when restricted to the domain: I, where I is, as one would probably expect, C\R...let's not confuse the C's though, by C\R, I mean everything that's not-real...everything Imaginary. Because, really, K exists within the complex, and C (the original C) is just a small part of her that is left within I. No longer real. No longer tangible.

Anyway, C is an element of I. This means we have to change some things in our original statement...namely C^2 is definitely negative.

That being said, this translates to mean something which is all too obvious: Only one of E or M is positive...
And thus...ME is negative.

Holy shit. This means...I'm subzero!

cop's are out. look both ways.

garret.

48hr/wk (I left you alone)

2008-09-06T23:50:50Z

This doesn't make sense...I have my own office (222 in the library)

(444 in the basement)

with a key letting me into this one room with one chair one bookcase one trashcan one one one
And the view, my god the view of the square! it's as if I had disappeared forever.

I'm learning Argentinian Tango. Apparently in that country, there's a lot of sexist attitudes. Our instructor is all about recreating the atomsphere too (THE ATOMSPHERE). For instance, if a guy steps on the ladies foot, it is always, without exception, the woman's fault. But I guess most dancing is chauvinistic. I'm excited though, it's pretty fun to get into the character of a sexy, tan, macho and muscular man...even though it's not really getting into character for me...as I am all of those things.

Honors is stressful, the book is dense, and so am I.

I'm in a beat band now. Practice in T-15

WRONKAWRONKAWRONKAdweepdweep!

What does * mean? Powers?

Silly silly
silly
SILly Silly silly

I'm sorry this is weak, it's just this week.
garret.

Those Dead Kennedies, Those Dead Kennedy

2008-08-31T14:49:46Z

You know what I mean...or you better. Culturize yourself!

I have a story!

It's a been a while since I updated, but I've been very busy, and we don't have internet in our house set up.

So Freshman year I attended what's called a Disorientation party at the end of my orientation week. This party was at ______________. This is where I live now. Our house thus decided to carry on the tradition and hold a giant house party for incoming freshies (and everybody else on campus).

We bought 2 kegs, and made 180 jello shots (with 4 different flavors), bought a handle of cheap vodka, and bullet proofed the house. We bought 250 Solo cups, 200 dixie cups, 2 blacklights, 2 blue lights, 4 red lights, had 2 floors open, each with a DJ. We charged $3 for entrance into the house, $2 if you came dressed in the theme (but we didn't tell people the theme, so it basically came down to whether or not they dressed up). We carded everybody, wrote whether they were 21 or not (even though it didn't matter). We made 120 flyers (none of them with our address - to avoid preemptive busting). We called our neighbor to let her know, and she was more than cool with it.

In other words, we did this fucking party right.

I paid for everything to make it easier to keep track of the money, and it came out to be about 350 dollars worth.

We were setting up the day of, and we found a note on our door from Safety and Security (SS). They told us they notified the police of our activities. We called them, and they came over to us, and we had a very civil and informative conversation about what we could and could not do. We could not:

1. Provide alcohol to minors
2. Sell alcohol
3. Let anybody get sick, else it becomes ridiculously serious, and we'd get arrested.

We compensated by not telling them about the $1 jello shots, and said that we would be charging for entrance into the house, and not charging for the alcohol. They knew we were going to carry on anyway though, as the party was T-4 hours.

The party begins. 10PM. Nobody is there
1030PM. 5 people are there
1045PM. Over 100 people arrive.
1100PM. The party is officially hopping.

I manned the bar mostly, and DJed very little. It was a LOT of fun. Kinda stressful, but LOTS of fun too!

1145PM. SS Comes.

So fucking fast, it was ridiculous. The officers came out. I talked to them, explained what we were doing (or at least, everything legal that we were doing). They come and tell everybody to get out. We ask if it's alright if just 21 year olds are here. They said that was legal. They get a statement from me and a housemate, and threaten us a bunch if we keep the party going.

So everybody leaves (well, most people).
Then more people come.

During the very very brief lull, we counted our monies, and found that we actually managed to break even in those short 45 minutes. In celebration, I downed 4 jello shots. Thinking the night was mostly over.

We tell the doorman not to let anybody under 21 in. No exceptions.

She, of course, does not do this.

We then realize there are a lot of people showing up, and things are looking ugly again.
So everybody in the house starts going through the entire house, and yelling at people to get out. Of course they do not listen. I found the same people in three different rooms, and told them each time to leave. And they still didn't leave. So then I got a bit pissed off, and started being a bit of an asshole. But whatever, they had their chance for Nice Garret. After about 20 minutes of screaming at people, we finally manage to cull out all of the under 21s. We thought things were then going smoothly. There were a fair amount of people there, but certainly not hopping party size.

Then SS comes again.

They start bitching us out yet again, saying that they told us that we could not have a party anymore, and we blatently disregarded that. I told them that they in fact said that everybody had to leave, and we couldn't sell alcohol to minors, and they can check every single person in the household if they'd like. They did not. Instead they yelled some more, and told everybody to leave.

We complied.

They sat in the driveway for an additional 10 minutes. They were still there, and somebody muttered, something like, "how the fuck can they just sit in your driveway, this is off-campus...we should call the police on them for tresspassing"

It then hits me. That is exactly what we should do.

I call the Oberlin Police Department, and ask them if 81 S Professor is Oberlin College property. They say it is not. I then go up to SS, and they are siting there being mean :). I tell them, "Look, I'm very sorry, but you guys need to get off the property. I called the Oberlin Police Department, and they said this is not Oberlin College property, so could you please leave?"

The looks on their faces was priceless.

Incredulous, they started ranting about how we were selling alcohol to minors, and disrespecting our neighbors, etc. I listened, and then repeated what I said previously.

And then, of course, they turned around and left.

It was so fucking awesome, if I do say so myself.

So I'm going over to the SS office today and asking for the paperwork they said they could provide the previous night about how 81 S Professor was Oberlin College property. They of course, do not have such paperwork, as it is not Oberlin College property. I will then inform them that they were illegally on our property harassing us and our guests, and threatening us with judiciary action.

I will then call our landlord, who sadly works for the college. If he backs us up, and tells us that SS was not to be on our property, then fuck it, I'm taking legal action. (If he tells us that he allows SS on our property, then we can't do anything) Apparently, my dad informs me that court costs are only 80 bucks, and we would more than likely win, and thus they would have to pay court costs, and maybe a bit more for harassment.

I'm so excited!

garret.

Desperate Time Signatures Call For Desperate Measures

2008-08-22T01:52:17Z

Out of the tree of life, I just picked me a plum
You came along and everything started to hum
Still it's a real good bet, the best is yet come

And won't that be fine?

So I got here planning to write an angsty bloggy about my traumas and trials and stress. But Ol Frankie Blue Eyes got to me, and instead I'm just gonna gloss over all the shit I have to deal with, and move on. My release is now.

This tutoring business is getting way out of hand. The parental units asked me if I would be interested in teaching Schulyer math during the school year, and I said sure, thinking it would be me teaching him an hour or two every week. Instead I am now becoming his official math teacher. Coming in to the junior high during 6th period, three times a week. I will need to prepare assignments, and tests, grade them, keep track of it. And I have to give the poor kid a grade after all of this shit. Not what I bargained for, but it's too late to back out now that school's starting next week. Oh well. The worst is now this Honor project. My advisor gave me a book that she admitted was going to be difficult to work through, and I read the first five pages...and damn. But I'm up for the challenge. This is going to be intense. In tents. Remember that dance at the high school? Wasn't it superawesome. Oh wait...you weren't there. Frank, stop singing about how many bitches you fucked. Thank you. I also want to take dance classes this semester and be a bit more involved, now that it's too late. Also, I have to find and apply for grad schools etc. etc. In other news, I almost came out to my mom today on the phone. Here is the quotation:

"So when are you going to get a girlfriend?"
"I dunno, I'm not really actively pursuing one, but if it happens, it happens..."
"Why aren't you trying? Don't you like girls?"
"Mmm" [positive, but non-committal]
"Do you like boys?"
"Mmm" [positive, but non-committal]
Etc. etc.

So not really. But it was humorous to me.
Advice is requested below. It's girl problems, what else is new on this piece of interweb. I probably talk about relationships more than Sex and the City does. But you know us men, we have one track minds. Or at least I do.

No, fuck it, I'm not going to talk about this now. This is stupid. Like, QC stupid. Like, OMG stupid. Like, why the fuck do I care stupid.

So I won't care.

Instead I'll just beat on skins until I can't feelings anymore.

Ready go!

CRASH!

garret.

A Dangerous Method to Use

2008-08-21T04:37:38Z

Not even a perfect GRE math score can improve this perfect shithole of a day.

Well, it can a little.

But a little is not a lot.

garret.

I'm Already Becoming Sandra Day

2008-08-19T00:26:27Z

Remember Her?

Wait, I take that back, I'm becoming more like a wax sculpture.

Or are they the same thing?

Anywho, Oberlin is fun, I love my house. Pictures are forthcoming sometime when I'm not lazy. Katie's coming tonight, that's exciting. The greatest Tragedy Ever Written Will Be Written In The Future. I guarantee it...no, I Guarantee It.

There's 3 men, 3 women, and me. Split, I am the Sandra.
Wait, people are taking The Tour, I have to stand very...very...still. Only my fingers may move. Walk through, "ooh", "ahh", cool drums, cool tapestry, yes, yes, nod slowly, don't look them in the eye. They'llllll attack, all of them, and I'm in the corner, cornered, with only two wooden swords to my right. I might be able to wield one by the time they're on top of me, their gaping mouths dripping wet with words, their oily skin melting in the heat. Fearsome foes, yes, I have no hope. This is my time. Should I try to run? They will toy with me, constantly nip nipping at my heels, their claws drawing trails of my blood on the carpet, on the walls, and down the banister I fall, face first. Landing at the bottom, I'll roll over quickly, fear engraved into my features, and they'll stare down at me, eyes gleaming with carnal insticts; leaping from the top onto me, drawing me up and treating me as a stone of marble, and their talons like chisels. No, their claws are too sharp, I will be a block of wax, their ripping motions carving into me without hesitation or difficulty. Molding me as they please.

I can't be computer chess or othello on the second easiest setting. I am ashamed. I really am becoming stupid. I will need to change this. I anticipate much chess playing in the future. Maybe it's just that I don't think things through anymore. No more processed thought, just whimsical action.

Look at me, locked away in a tower.

Nevermind, don't look, the pitiful stare is enough to shatter me...or at least melt me.

I lived with you for 18 years, you'll live with me for 3 hours. Business only, no discussing anything that might reference painful pasts, ruination of dreams, or introspective philosophies.

Just business
Just business
As usual.

garret.

Rape Whistle

2008-08-14T21:04:26Z

Four to the floor,
Dance to the moon.

Boom.

I half-dreamt this on the aeriocopter this morning. It is not as I had dreamt it, but this is mostly do to a complete and total lack of writing ability.

...
...
I walked back into the darkened room, my eyes quickly readjusting themselves to the intense contrast of the brightly lit TV screen. My ears quickly readjusting themselves to the frantic clackle of video-game-controllers, reluctantly tolerating the punishments my friends relentlessly enacted upon them. My hands quickly readjusting themselves to the optimum PBR-opening position.

After becoming mildly absorbed into their game, I decided to break the hypnotic spell the tele was casting, "So, I think I'm going to...well..."...drifting off...not knowing really how to phrase it without sounding cliche and idiotic.

"What?", Kyle asked, clearly not paying the least bit of attention. I changed my mind about the pursuit of elequence, and instead decided to just crash.

"I'm breaking up with Claire later tonight." This stirs them from their slumber, I'd wager they're 60/40 in my favor against the TV.

"Why?" That probably wasn't what they actually said...but what they did say was equally trite and less than or equally inquisitive in nature.

"Well...mostly cause of the Wiccan thing...she's been getting a bit too intense with that stuff, and it's sort of weirding me out slash scaring the shit out of me." Yes, I said the word slash, because I write before I think. Fuck you.

"How is being a Wiccan a bad thing? I mean, the sex has gotta be great, right?" - John, of course. Clearly the least-interested of the three, and clearly the most-idioted of the three.

"It's not bad...not that her being Wiccan has anything to do with that. It might, but that's not the point. The point is she's just getting too attached, and I don't know how to solve it. I'm just not that interested in a serious relationship, and all this Wiccan-magic shit she does is just silly..."

The spell was broken...only it was my spell, not the game's. Somebody won, it doesn't matter who, but they turned their attention back for another round, and said something along the lines of, "That sucks man, I'm sorry, but I guess you need to do what's right for you. Oh, and I totally don't care." I let the matter drop. Besides, it was my turn to play...

Two hours, and four beers later, I quickly walk to Claire's...I'm about a half-hour later than when I said I would be late as, but it's not like I was looking forward to the rest of the night anyway. Speed up. I'm at her doorstep, and she's there, beckoning me to come in...all smiles. And cheery. I extremely dislike cheery behavior when I am not privy to the cheerful mood. Cheer. Apparently, she had something 'special' to show me, that would 'once and for all', demonstrate her supposed powers over the netherworlddarknessearthsensemotherbeingspirit. I nodded and went along with it, and walked up the staircase to her room. Which was pretty much exactly what you would expect...pentagrams on every cover of every book, an Evenescence poster on the wall, black curtains, black clothing, black everything with, duh, red undertones. Very cliche. God. Why the fuck was I fucking this fucker? Oh yeah...large rack, quiet, and kinky. My style or something.

She goes over to her dresser, reaches in, and spins around, ivory arms extended to reveal two dolls, one in each hand, about a foot-long each. As you might have guessed correctly already, one of the dolls (the right hand one) looks not-so-surprisingly like myself. The other doll, as you might have guessed incorrectly already, was just an outline of a person. It could have been anybody, or everybody. I guess at that time it did represent anybody, or everybody. She saw my rather unmasked expression, and first blurted out, "The other one will be me tomorrow, I haven't finished it yet, but I couldn't wait to show you yours...it's just adorable, isn't it?" Again with the fucking cheer. Stop it, you stupid bitch, reflect me, REFLECT me. She hugged it tightly, and, well, not to sound---I can't help it, it will sound---I actually thought I felt the damned thing. Not really, just...a warmth and slight pressure all around me. It made me nauseous. And quite frightened. Frightened enough that I didn't really think through the newly discovered consequences of what I was about to blurt out,

"We should end this."

She looked at me, and in five seconds I saw five emotions:
1. Confusion
2. Curiosity
3. Despair
4. Anger
5. I-don't-know-what-but-it-scared-me-shitless.

Then nothing. I could tell she was still processing things, so I waited patiently, and decided not to say anything, and let the statement sink in a bit more. Then she looked up at me, and expressionless, flicked the doll's head with a finger. And

I was on the ground, holding my left cheek, as if I were in a drunken brawl. I stared at her, still not comprehending what exactly was going on...she was still blank, still unreadable. I thought I should probably say something now...it might be a good idea maybe...

"Listen, maybe that wasn--FUCK!" She threw myself at me, and a massive invisble hand pummeled my back.
"Go.", she whispered.
I did not need to be told twice. I left. But I wasn't stupid enough to leave i there. I grabbed i, and ran out of that fucking house.

Claire walked over to the window and saw Kevin running out of her house, and down the street. She looked down at her one remaining doll, still in her left hand. In her right hand was a pair of scissors.

Snip.

We all fall down!

------------------------

That took a lot longer than I expected, and I know, I know, it's really dumb and lame. But whatever. I'm bored.

NYC scares me.

garret.

New YorkYorkYorkYorkYuckYakYak.

2008-08-11T18:57:23Z

1.
This weekend Alex, Rose, and I went to New York, and we saw Radiohead, Animal Collective, and Metric, yay.
But we also saw some other thingies. Within ten minutes of us arriving in the city, we saw a petty theft and a man lying on the ground who had just been stabbed. Everyone was walking on by and ignoring it, and Rose didn't even notice (course that might just be her.) We spent a lot of time navigating the subway and also walking walking waiting waiting. I have concluded that I could never go to grad school in New York or live there. It is urban dystopia, everyone is so crazy and it moves so fast. And Jesus Christ, the fucking hipsters. Fuck

2.
What else is in the teaches of peaches?
Huhhh
Whaat
Huhhh
Whaaat

3.
Let A = Garret.
Let B = Happiness.

Now let us presume that Garret desires Happiness, but the equation is not equal.
A =/ B
B > A
~A~B
*$B

If we add music, sex, and food (C, D, and E) to Garret, we may use Fodorzski's Law to balance the equation.
A + C + D + E = 1234 FIGHT!
Stick to the B.E.A.T get ready to ignite.
that's how we make it right.
I'm so fucking conscious of my consciousness. Inside and out and inside and out. Layers of cognition are derived from further layers of cognition intuition superstition kissing. It's such bullshit, if just once I could detach from myself and have a single fucking thought, free from trails of thoughts tagging along, well then I'd be a purple penguin. I don't believe in true love, and even if I did I don't think it would apply to me. Katie's the person I can see myself spending my life with, but she's with some douchebag, naturally. If it were possible to strip away the.. consciousness and cognition and douchebaggery...we are all electrons zooming in separate orbits. everyone everything.

4.
I hate fucking checking my fucking voicemail. Fuck you haters, it's a waste of time, and if you have something to say to me I'll call you back.
GALAXY
GULLAXY
LAXATIVE.

garret.

The Day of Daze

2008-08-06T14:16:12Z

I have something silly to write about, yay! Three somethings really. Yesterday was a day of anger. It transferred and morphed, but remained anger throughout the da ('da', as in, daze (see above)). OK, so a month ago someone in our house moved out. But he left all his shit here. Now, while I think it's kind of rude to expect someone else to store all his shit for an entire month, we had the space, and it didn't really bother me, so whatever. Today he comes to collect it. Fine. While collecting it, him and his girlfriend decide to make food at our house. Now, the food they choose to make had been sitting in our cabinets since we got here (it was some sort of rice thing I believe), so it wasn't any of ours in the household. However, he didn't ask anybody, and he doesn't live here. It turns out he didn't even clean up after himself, and there is now a half full pot of rice/lentil shit on our stove still. We had just eaten dinner ourselves, so there were pots already on the burners that we were going to clean up later. I'm in a room next to my kitchen by myself, when I hear him muttering to his girlfriend how we never keep our kitchen clean, and never do dishes. I don't know why, but I fuckin lost it then. I wanted to yell, and tell him to get the fuck out of our kitchen then. Dishes are the one chore that I absolutely make sure I do immediately after dinner (and I did clean everything I used immediately after dinner, nothing on that stove was mine). So it upset me further that he was badmouthing the entire house behind their back, and then assuming that it's all our faults. So I quickly left, and went on a bike ride instead, then I came back and played some drums. Please note that I feel this is a positive way to release anger. Then it was late enough for some festivities to begin. We all got drunkish. Scratch that. We all got trashed. Everything was going wonderfully...I was in a pogoing competition with my friend (I lost, getting only 89, my friend got 112). We played drunk jenga, talked, etc. etc. Then my pogoing comrade, we'll call him Bill, started going crazy. He had some girl drama in his life. He was the kind of person that was very funny, good-looking, and witty, so he literally can choose from any woman he wants. He had a girlfriend back home, but a few nights ago slept with a girl here. This really upset one of my other housemates, let's call her Gloria. Gloria brought it up every once in awhile, but really, I was on Bill's side, and supported him, so her complaints sort of bothered Bill (cause he knew them to be true), but he brushed them off. Anyway. He starts wrestling with people cause he's wasted, and in moderately decent shape. I didn't participate of course, because you could tell that while he was doing it jokingly, he was actually letting off steam from these dramas in his life, and I felt it was only a matter of time (basically, when he started losing) that it would get all too serious, and somebody would get hurt. Please note that I feel this is a negative way to release anger. So then he starts acting crazy, being very physical with people, and we all know that he's upset about his girl-problems, and he knows we know, which just makes him act more ridiculous. Meanwhile, throughout all this, Gloria is going through some *actual* problems in her life (what they are, I cannot say, but they are not silly relationship issues, and are potentially life-altering. Let me just say she was not happy that she didn't hear from her doctor yesterday). So while Ben's carrying on, and everybody's hating it, but secretly loving it, I go up to Gloria and say something like, "Hey, are you OK?", and she says, "Yeah, it's just Bill being upset, I've seen it before, and he'll get over it", to which I respond, "No, I meant, are *you* OK?" (it really was as cheesy as that, ladies and gents). And she loses it. She starts crying, and I console her to the best of my abilities, telling her not to worry yet, and everything is going to work out just fine. These are words that I feel we both truly believe. But still, when shit goes down, sometimes you need to hear them from somebody else. Other people take note at this point, and console her too. But we're all drunk, and soon Bill's obnoxiousness, and other people's obliviousness to what's going on, take control again, and we're all walking again (metaphorically), but now on tightropes (also metaphorically). Some people leave, and it's mostly the four housemates, and this kid James, who was the guy I slept with the other night. We're watching Bill with a baseball bat he somehow found, him shouting as he hits a tree. He's trying to be funny, but it's losing even the car-crash appeal. I mention how I think Bill is basically being a complete asshole, and this is a very unproductive way deal with your problems. Now, before I continue, let me say that James has come over most nights since I've been with him. And each and every night, *EVERY SINGLE THING*, I mean, every sentence that comes out of his mouth, is wrong. And he argues about it too. From knowing how long to cook something, to what the birthstone of February is (come on, how do you *not* know that one), to biology that I don't know about (but don't pretend to know about), to philosophy. Everything he said was 100% wrong, not-thought-out, and just silly. For example, when we mentioned that we used Wikipedia for sources sometimes, I commented on how I thought it was silly that we couldn't use Wikipedia as an actual source, because it is often times more accurate than most other web pages, and is even more accurate than a lot of books. James flips out, and says it is completely not accurate, and about how this one time falalfel was listed as the primary export of Lebanon for 6 months. Then I go on the internet, and check up on it. And what do I find? Out of the first thirty links, *every single one of them* is a study mentioning how Wikipedia is often more accurate than most other sources, including the fucking Encyclopedia Brittanica. Blah. But that's a different debate, and I'm getting sidetracked. The point is, he's wrong a lot. And now he was telling me how I needed to understand Bill being upset, and it's our fault (but I was the only one listening, so really he was saying it's my fault), that I didn't talk to him, and understand his anger. I told him that if he ever wanted to talk about anything, all he had to do was ask, and I will listen with great interest. I also mentioned that beating the shit out of people and things is not a way to get what you want, and if he has problems, he should talk, and I will be much more receptive. Now I'm just scared to get within 10 feet of the man. James said that was my beliefs, and I needed to respect Bill's beliefs. I calmly told him that Bill is no longer 12, and if he has issues, he needs to get them out in a more productive, less life-threatening manner. James again said that was my beliefs, and I needed to respect Bill's beliefs. I was pissed off at this point. So I left. I went upstairs and tried to masturbate. Please note that I feel this is a positive way to release anger. I can't masturbate. Because Bill is in his room now, which is next to mine, and is throwing things around. He fucking broke down the door, and did god knows what in his room. But I can't relax, when I'm just pissed off at Bill. Please note that I feel this is a negative way to release anger. So that's the story. I'm not saying I'm a role-model for anger-management. Cause I'm not. I get upset sometimes, and I yell sometimes, and I say thing that I know won't help the situation at all. However, I take pride in the fact that I do not punch people, I do not break things, and I do not try to be the center of attention (when I'm upset). I really just don't understand how people can behave that way... But another interesting thing is how much I can influence others. While Bill had the bat, and was swinging it around, other people were telling him to put the bat down. Pretty much every person had asked him to do it, ran up to him, and tried pulling it out of his hands, etc. etc. But all I had to do was look at him from across the yard and say calmly, "Bill, put the fucking bat down". And he did it. I thought this was pretty funny for a moment, then really depressing. It occurred to me that it was not because he was my friend. It was because I was a sort-of outcast. I think it's analogous to a child, who is misbehaving. The parent's will say, "Stop it", and the child doesn't care. But when a stranger comes up to the kid, and says "Stop it", the child is a lot more likely to stop. The kid doesn't know the stranger, and becomes embarrassed (or something) when he realizes others that he doesn't know are thinking less of him or something. I think you know what I'm trying to get at. This happens a lot to me actually. I don't really say much to people, and never really contribute to conversations. So I guess that makes me more on the outside of the social circle. Far enough away that people don't know what to make of me, I guess, and think of me as the stranger. Oh well, I'm leaving in a year! I don't care! I don't need any more friends, other than you guys! I don't think that was thick enough, let me try again. I don't mind. No, the punctuation weakens it too much, one more time. Everything's copacetic! That should do nicely... garret.